Anyways, we took Javier visiting friends and family in his costume! He was a real trooper! :) What fun!
Can't wait to do it again next year!
A blog about me and my journey through clinical rotations
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Halloween 2008
This year was so much fun now that we have a baby! Not that the past Halloween's haven't been, but this year was special now that Javier is in our lives! He was a bumble bee....Micki's male coworkers had a real problem with that and they even took a poll to see if it was "acceptable" for a boy to be a bumble bee for Halloween! Can you believe that?! That is the beginning of life-long struggles for boys right there!
Anyways, we took Javier visiting friends and family in his costume! He was a real trooper! :) What fun!
Can't wait to do it again next year!
Anyways, we took Javier visiting friends and family in his costume! He was a real trooper! :) What fun!
Can't wait to do it again next year!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Better and Better
I think I am making great strides with my depression. I have been seeing my therapist and I am taking medication. I believe the combination is helping significantly! I have good days and bad days, but the good out weigh the bad.
I had no clue that I was depressed. When I think of "Postpartum Depression", I think of that old woman who lies in bed all day long crying and wanting nothing to do with her baby! Seriously, that is what I thought! I am learning that postpartum depression has a wide range of symptoms! They call them "mood disorders". I found this great video on either you tube or yahoo videos that explained a few different mood disorders. I felt so much more "normal" after watching that as well as speaking to others who have gone through this before. I felt CRAZY!
My therapist has verified that I am not crazy and that my symptoms are very much a part of postpartum depression. She explained it like this...She says I am going through a "menopause state"..No, I am not in menopause, but that my estrogen was really high (during pregnancy) and then dropped off very low. Most of the symptoms I am experiencing are an effect of the low estrogen. Everything from having little energy, fatigued, headaches, loss of appetite (well, that isn't a symptom of menopause; it is the opposite), no libido, night sweats (I am very warm at night..not in a puddle of sweat when I wake up though..Another thing that has happened to me is not being able to remember how to spell! Or that a word is on the tip of my tongue and I cannot think of it for the life of me! I just think to myself, "what the hell is WRONG with me?"! I have been reassured that I am normal.
The Video:
http://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play?p=postpartum+depression&b=22&ei=UTF-8&fr=yfp-t-501&tnr=21&vid=000162627844
I just take one day at a time. Stay in the moment. I think that is good advice for all of us!
I had no clue that I was depressed. When I think of "Postpartum Depression", I think of that old woman who lies in bed all day long crying and wanting nothing to do with her baby! Seriously, that is what I thought! I am learning that postpartum depression has a wide range of symptoms! They call them "mood disorders". I found this great video on either you tube or yahoo videos that explained a few different mood disorders. I felt so much more "normal" after watching that as well as speaking to others who have gone through this before. I felt CRAZY!
My therapist has verified that I am not crazy and that my symptoms are very much a part of postpartum depression. She explained it like this...She says I am going through a "menopause state"..No, I am not in menopause, but that my estrogen was really high (during pregnancy) and then dropped off very low. Most of the symptoms I am experiencing are an effect of the low estrogen. Everything from having little energy, fatigued, headaches, loss of appetite (well, that isn't a symptom of menopause; it is the opposite), no libido, night sweats (I am very warm at night..not in a puddle of sweat when I wake up though..Another thing that has happened to me is not being able to remember how to spell! Or that a word is on the tip of my tongue and I cannot think of it for the life of me! I just think to myself, "what the hell is WRONG with me?"! I have been reassured that I am normal.
The Video:
http://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play?p=postpartum+depression&b=22&ei=UTF-8&fr=yfp-t-501&tnr=21&vid=000162627844
I just take one day at a time. Stay in the moment. I think that is good advice for all of us!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
My Recovery
It has been about 7 days since I have sought help for the anxiety and depression. I feel much better this week than I did last week. Last week, I felt like my head was "foggy" or "cloudy". That is the only way to describe it. I didn't have much care in what we did or where we went. I was just sort of "going with the flow". I have a follow up appt. with the OB-GYN that diagnosed me next week as well as a 3rd appt. with my therapist in 2 weeks.
I do not know if postpartum depression runs in my family. I have not spoken to my family yet about this. I do plan to speak to my sister, my grandma and my dad as soon as I am feeling up to it. It is difficult to talk about right now. As the days go by and the better I feel, I will feel more inclined to do so.
Thanks for listening.
I do not know if postpartum depression runs in my family. I have not spoken to my family yet about this. I do plan to speak to my sister, my grandma and my dad as soon as I am feeling up to it. It is difficult to talk about right now. As the days go by and the better I feel, I will feel more inclined to do so.
Thanks for listening.
Friday, September 5, 2008
The stuff they don't tell you about.....
I haven't felt "the same" since I've had our baby. I just thought it was the hormones and that I needed to get back to a more equilibrium state. So, I waited and waited for that day...and still waiting.....
Thinking back to the trip we had to take to Texas just 4 days after Javier was born, I had an anxiety attack. It was night and we were in bed and I told Micki that I just wanted to go home. I was so nervous and out of my element and wanted nobody to touch or hold my baby except for Micki and I. Micki agreed to change our flight to Friday instead of Sunday and I felt a bit more at ease. After a few days there, I was fine with leaving the baby. I realized that it gave Micki and I an opportunity to get out and run errands or have dinner.
I seemed to be doing just fine the rest of the summer. Although I felt a bit more laid back, more reserved and a bit more quiet than usual, I thought I was just fine. Until Micki's mom and step dad arrived in early August. As soon as they arrived, they took my baby out of my arms...I got a bit angry about that. I found myself angry a lot while they were here (in the beginning of the visit). They stayed for a month and I realized they were a big help to me. I was able to run errands quickly and go to doctors appointments and such.
Our last weekend together we decided to go up north to my dad's place (Labor Day weekend). While there, I had a major anxiety attack while everyone was sleeping. My body had this huge surge of heat, followed by my heart pounding out of my chest, while my hands felt the heat surge with pins and needles. I had Javier in my arms and felt as though I needed to hand him over to Micki and just run out of the house...Run as far as I could and get all of that energy out of me! However, I just took a few deep breaths, put Javier in his bed and got myself ready for bed. I had a splitting headache and my stomach was flip-flopping. I was so scared to tell Micki about it. I finally confessed the next morning. I didn't know where this came from and I was so scared! We called our OB-GYN's office and told the doctor on call what was going on and she said that this is nothing out of the norm. I was anxious all day long. Like I was on pins and needles and just could not relax. We had to call the doctor back later that day to see if she could prescribe something for me. They gave me Lunesta (you know that sleeping drug for those who have trouble falling and staying asleep)...I didn't care...I needed something!
I went to see our OB-GYN the next day. She rather disappointed us. She didn't make me feel like I was normal...She made me feel like there WAS something wrong with me. She didn't want to prescribe anything else for me until I saw my therapist (which was scheduled for the following day)! She said that she definitely thought I should be on something, but wanted our therapist to recommend something for me...When I heard that, I had another anxiety attack right there in the exam room!!! I had to have Micki open up the door! I felt all closed in and the heat surge run through my body...The doc wanted to draw some blood to check my thyroid and CBC (which all came back normal). She met us down in the lab with a cup of cold water for me...At this point, I was in a daze. I get very drained after having an attack. It is like I am disoriented (and my therapist later told me that feeling is the psychological aspect of an anxiety attack...just as you have the physical with the beating heart, sweaty hands, heat surge..you also have the psychological part which can be disorientation, drained energy feeling---interesting). We tried to call our therapist to see if she could recommend something at that moment but we couldn't reach her...then we called our Primary Care doc and couldn't get a hold of him either. Finally on the way home, Micki called her OB-GYN and he spoke to me on the phone. He prescribed an anti-anxiety drug as well as an anti-depressant right then and there in return, I would go see him the next day.
I took my pills that night. The anti-anxiety pill took effect within 1/2 hour and I was feeling so much better. I was finally able to eat! See, I lost my appetite as well. Nothing sounded good to me since I was really sick to my stomach.
It has been 4 days since I've started my pills. I feel better, but still not "normal" yet. I understand that it will take a bit for the drugs to really get into my system and it will take time in therapy to work on everything. I am being patient. I am living in the moment (as per my therapist) and trying to get through today---I don't need to think about tomorrow yet.
Thinking back to the trip we had to take to Texas just 4 days after Javier was born, I had an anxiety attack. It was night and we were in bed and I told Micki that I just wanted to go home. I was so nervous and out of my element and wanted nobody to touch or hold my baby except for Micki and I. Micki agreed to change our flight to Friday instead of Sunday and I felt a bit more at ease. After a few days there, I was fine with leaving the baby. I realized that it gave Micki and I an opportunity to get out and run errands or have dinner.
I seemed to be doing just fine the rest of the summer. Although I felt a bit more laid back, more reserved and a bit more quiet than usual, I thought I was just fine. Until Micki's mom and step dad arrived in early August. As soon as they arrived, they took my baby out of my arms...I got a bit angry about that. I found myself angry a lot while they were here (in the beginning of the visit). They stayed for a month and I realized they were a big help to me. I was able to run errands quickly and go to doctors appointments and such.
Our last weekend together we decided to go up north to my dad's place (Labor Day weekend). While there, I had a major anxiety attack while everyone was sleeping. My body had this huge surge of heat, followed by my heart pounding out of my chest, while my hands felt the heat surge with pins and needles. I had Javier in my arms and felt as though I needed to hand him over to Micki and just run out of the house...Run as far as I could and get all of that energy out of me! However, I just took a few deep breaths, put Javier in his bed and got myself ready for bed. I had a splitting headache and my stomach was flip-flopping. I was so scared to tell Micki about it. I finally confessed the next morning. I didn't know where this came from and I was so scared! We called our OB-GYN's office and told the doctor on call what was going on and she said that this is nothing out of the norm. I was anxious all day long. Like I was on pins and needles and just could not relax. We had to call the doctor back later that day to see if she could prescribe something for me. They gave me Lunesta (you know that sleeping drug for those who have trouble falling and staying asleep)...I didn't care...I needed something!
I went to see our OB-GYN the next day. She rather disappointed us. She didn't make me feel like I was normal...She made me feel like there WAS something wrong with me. She didn't want to prescribe anything else for me until I saw my therapist (which was scheduled for the following day)! She said that she definitely thought I should be on something, but wanted our therapist to recommend something for me...When I heard that, I had another anxiety attack right there in the exam room!!! I had to have Micki open up the door! I felt all closed in and the heat surge run through my body...The doc wanted to draw some blood to check my thyroid and CBC (which all came back normal). She met us down in the lab with a cup of cold water for me...At this point, I was in a daze. I get very drained after having an attack. It is like I am disoriented (and my therapist later told me that feeling is the psychological aspect of an anxiety attack...just as you have the physical with the beating heart, sweaty hands, heat surge..you also have the psychological part which can be disorientation, drained energy feeling---interesting). We tried to call our therapist to see if she could recommend something at that moment but we couldn't reach her...then we called our Primary Care doc and couldn't get a hold of him either. Finally on the way home, Micki called her OB-GYN and he spoke to me on the phone. He prescribed an anti-anxiety drug as well as an anti-depressant right then and there in return, I would go see him the next day.
I took my pills that night. The anti-anxiety pill took effect within 1/2 hour and I was feeling so much better. I was finally able to eat! See, I lost my appetite as well. Nothing sounded good to me since I was really sick to my stomach.
It has been 4 days since I've started my pills. I feel better, but still not "normal" yet. I understand that it will take a bit for the drugs to really get into my system and it will take time in therapy to work on everything. I am being patient. I am living in the moment (as per my therapist) and trying to get through today---I don't need to think about tomorrow yet.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Javier
Boy did this boy give us the scare of our lives recently! He stopped breathing on us a couple weeks ago! It was very scary to say the least...Micki thank goodness beat his back and brought him back to life while I was on the phone with 911...
Through some testing (upper GI, colonoscopy, endoscopy, nasal/throat swabs, bloodwork, urine samples...) they finally determined that he has severe acid reflux (which is perhaps why he stopped breathing...he choked and stopped breathing) as well as a hypersensitivity to milk protein.
Javier is on a new hypoallergenic formula and doing much, much better! He does not spit up, he does not have gas, he has normal twice a day bowel movements (unlike before when he was constipated all the damn time!), and he is eating a lot more and sleeping better now! In fact, he has been napping for an hour and 15 minutes so far!!!
What a joy to watch this little man grow up before our eyes! Here is a clip of our baby boy laughing with Mommy Micki!
Through some testing (upper GI, colonoscopy, endoscopy, nasal/throat swabs, bloodwork, urine samples...) they finally determined that he has severe acid reflux (which is perhaps why he stopped breathing...he choked and stopped breathing) as well as a hypersensitivity to milk protein.
Javier is on a new hypoallergenic formula and doing much, much better! He does not spit up, he does not have gas, he has normal twice a day bowel movements (unlike before when he was constipated all the damn time!), and he is eating a lot more and sleeping better now! In fact, he has been napping for an hour and 15 minutes so far!!!
What a joy to watch this little man grow up before our eyes! Here is a clip of our baby boy laughing with Mommy Micki!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Allergies
Allergy Testing......
I did not have allergies as a child. It wasn't until I was in college and 19 years old that I started sneezing and whatnot...I was put on some medicine and that was that....I would only have problems in the fall and in the spring...As the years past, I began to have more and more issues with allergies, and they were starting to bother me all year long. About 4 years ago, I finally made an appointment with an allergist. I would see this doctor every 6 months and all he did was change my meds. I was having terrible headaches all the time and he just kept dismissing it and saying that it wasn't due to allergies. I was concerned so about 2 years ago, I decided to seek the help of and ENT doctor. This doc sent me for a CAT scan and didn't find anything except a slight swelling on one side of my sinus cavity....So back to that same allergist again...He just changed my meds once again. When I became pregnant, I had to stop all meds and I was terrified....However, I didn't seem to have any issues whatsoever! My allergies were GONE!!!
Now that I am not preggo anymore, the allergies are back!!! I decided to go see a new allergist. This place was wonderful! They thoroughly examined me which I really appreciated! So the suffering is soon over (hopefully)!
I was told that I am allergic to everything (they tested me for) except dogs and cockroaches!!!! Can you believe that?? No wonder I've felt so bad the past couple months!!! My doctor also said, "when you eat cantalope or celery, does your mouth tingle??" I said, "um, no...but then again I don't like cantalope!"... Apparently, I'm allergic to those two items as well as many grasses, molds, pollens and trees....oh, and cats....Guess it probably doesn't help that we have 5! (I am checking into encasings for our pillows and mattress) I will be on 2 different nasal sprays and a medication that I take once in the morning and once at night. I will also start allergy shots next week!
Here is a pictures of my skin test from today! Crazy, huh??
I did not have allergies as a child. It wasn't until I was in college and 19 years old that I started sneezing and whatnot...I was put on some medicine and that was that....I would only have problems in the fall and in the spring...As the years past, I began to have more and more issues with allergies, and they were starting to bother me all year long. About 4 years ago, I finally made an appointment with an allergist. I would see this doctor every 6 months and all he did was change my meds. I was having terrible headaches all the time and he just kept dismissing it and saying that it wasn't due to allergies. I was concerned so about 2 years ago, I decided to seek the help of and ENT doctor. This doc sent me for a CAT scan and didn't find anything except a slight swelling on one side of my sinus cavity....So back to that same allergist again...He just changed my meds once again. When I became pregnant, I had to stop all meds and I was terrified....However, I didn't seem to have any issues whatsoever! My allergies were GONE!!!
Now that I am not preggo anymore, the allergies are back!!! I decided to go see a new allergist. This place was wonderful! They thoroughly examined me which I really appreciated! So the suffering is soon over (hopefully)!
I was told that I am allergic to everything (they tested me for) except dogs and cockroaches!!!! Can you believe that?? No wonder I've felt so bad the past couple months!!! My doctor also said, "when you eat cantalope or celery, does your mouth tingle??" I said, "um, no...but then again I don't like cantalope!"... Apparently, I'm allergic to those two items as well as many grasses, molds, pollens and trees....oh, and cats....Guess it probably doesn't help that we have 5! (I am checking into encasings for our pillows and mattress) I will be on 2 different nasal sprays and a medication that I take once in the morning and once at night. I will also start allergy shots next week!
Here is a pictures of my skin test from today! Crazy, huh??
Friday, July 11, 2008
Shadowing...
Yesterday I shadowed Physician Assistant Mike at the Henry Ford Hospital downtown. I arrived rather late in the day (noon). We first went to lunch across the street from the hospital in a small diner and then we went to an hour long meeting. There were 6 MD's and Mike the PA there to discuss patients they were treating. They discussed their individual issues and a treatment plan. Afterwards, we headed downstairs to a surgery room. Mike explained that this 40 year old woman was diagnosed with a Postpartum Hypertrophic Heart, meaning that when she was pregnant, the fetal cells from the baby attacked the mothers tissues. The mother had some sort of immune disorder that caused this. As a result, her heart grew very large and was not pumping properly. So this woman had to have a device installed last year that actually pumped her heart for her. The surgery I observed yesterday was to replace that device with a different device. She is also on the transplant list for a new heart, although Mike said that it will be difficult to find a heart for her due to her small size and the fact that she has had many blood transfusions and because of this, her body has produced a lot of different antibodies which means that it will be difficult for her body to accept the new heart. Anyways, yes I did see her heart. It was an open heart surgery. It was awesome!
Turns out last night on this TV show called, Hopkins (which is based on real-life doctors at Johns Hopkins Hospital), there was a 19 year old man who was getting a heart transplant and had the exact same device that I saw yesterday in the OR!!!
I plan on returning to shadow Mike in a couple weeks. He will also set me up with other disciplines that I am interested in shadowing. I hope to observe in Neurosurgery, Cardio-Thoracic Surgery, Ortho, and OB/GYN.
Overall, yesterday was a great day!
Turns out last night on this TV show called, Hopkins (which is based on real-life doctors at Johns Hopkins Hospital), there was a 19 year old man who was getting a heart transplant and had the exact same device that I saw yesterday in the OR!!!
I plan on returning to shadow Mike in a couple weeks. He will also set me up with other disciplines that I am interested in shadowing. I hope to observe in Neurosurgery, Cardio-Thoracic Surgery, Ortho, and OB/GYN.
Overall, yesterday was a great day!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Excited and Proud
So, not sure if you have been reading my blogs over the past 2 years or not, but I had an incident at school 2 years ago.....
I was going to school full time to become a physician's assistant. The class load was very tough! I had an issue with one of my classes. I tried to study on my own and that didn't work out so well...There was way too much material that had to be covered in a very short amount of time! Anyways, I didn't meet the minimum requirement of 80% on my exams and lo and behold, I was dismissed from the program! I know, I know....It seems harsh. However, I take full responsibility for what happened and I am a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason".
I cried my eyes out and felt like a big loser for a good couple weeks....But I sought out my therapist and talked things over with her and got back on board! I knew that I was going to start re-applying to schools all over the country! I want to be a PA!!
I have taken some classes over to gain better base knowledge, I have attended study skills workshops such as time management, note taking and one on learning styles...I researched a lot of information on learning styles online and discovered that I am more of a visual/kinesthetic learner and that I prefer pictures/graphs/charts to the written or spoken word...I have also discovered that I will no longer take my computer to class and that I will hand write all of my notes (remember like we used to back in the day!!), I will be shadowing a wonderful PA at the Henry Ford Hospital downtown....
I re-applied to 4 programs this past year and received interviews at all 4 schools! I was turned down by 1 program, but was put on the alternate list for the other 3 schools....I finally received a call last week from my 1 choice!!! I am in!!!!!!! I am back in!!!!!!!! And it just so happens to be the school that let me go 2 years ago!!
Micki and I stopped in to share the good news with one of my ex professors and my ex advisor and they remembered me!!! It was so good to visit with them and to have them meet our son! They reassured me that I will do great this time around and are so happy that I am in the part time program!
What a great feeling! Micki and I have been on cloud 9 since we received the call last week! I am so proud of myself for pushing forward and not letting this experience stop me from pursuing my dream of becoming a physician's assistant!!!
Q. What is a Physician Assistant (PA)?
A. Physician assistants are health care professionals licensed, or in the case of those employed by the federal government they are credentialed, to practice medicine with physician supervision. As part of their comprehensive responsibilities, PAs conduct physical exams, diagnose and treat illnesses, order and interpret tests, counsel on preventive health care, assist in surgery, and write prescriptions. Within the physician-PA relationship, physician assistants exercise autonomy in medical decision making and provide a broad range of diagnostic and therapeutic services. A PA's practice may also include education, research, and administrative services.
PAs are trained in intensive education programs accredited by the Accreditation Review Commission on Education for the Physician Assistant (ARC-PA) .
Because of the close working relationship the PAs have with physicians, PAs are educated in the medical model designed to complement physician training. Upon graduation, physician assistants take a national certification examination developed by the National Commission on Certification of PAs in conjunction with the National Board of Medical Examiners. To maintain their national certification, PAs must log 100 hours of continuing medical education every two years and sit for a recertification every six years. Graduation from an accredited physician assistant program and passage of the national certifying exam are required for state licensure.
I was going to school full time to become a physician's assistant. The class load was very tough! I had an issue with one of my classes. I tried to study on my own and that didn't work out so well...There was way too much material that had to be covered in a very short amount of time! Anyways, I didn't meet the minimum requirement of 80% on my exams and lo and behold, I was dismissed from the program! I know, I know....It seems harsh. However, I take full responsibility for what happened and I am a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason".
I cried my eyes out and felt like a big loser for a good couple weeks....But I sought out my therapist and talked things over with her and got back on board! I knew that I was going to start re-applying to schools all over the country! I want to be a PA!!
I have taken some classes over to gain better base knowledge, I have attended study skills workshops such as time management, note taking and one on learning styles...I researched a lot of information on learning styles online and discovered that I am more of a visual/kinesthetic learner and that I prefer pictures/graphs/charts to the written or spoken word...I have also discovered that I will no longer take my computer to class and that I will hand write all of my notes (remember like we used to back in the day!!), I will be shadowing a wonderful PA at the Henry Ford Hospital downtown....
I re-applied to 4 programs this past year and received interviews at all 4 schools! I was turned down by 1 program, but was put on the alternate list for the other 3 schools....I finally received a call last week from my 1 choice!!! I am in!!!!!!! I am back in!!!!!!!! And it just so happens to be the school that let me go 2 years ago!!
Micki and I stopped in to share the good news with one of my ex professors and my ex advisor and they remembered me!!! It was so good to visit with them and to have them meet our son! They reassured me that I will do great this time around and are so happy that I am in the part time program!
What a great feeling! Micki and I have been on cloud 9 since we received the call last week! I am so proud of myself for pushing forward and not letting this experience stop me from pursuing my dream of becoming a physician's assistant!!!
Q. What is a Physician Assistant (PA)?
A. Physician assistants are health care professionals licensed, or in the case of those employed by the federal government they are credentialed, to practice medicine with physician supervision. As part of their comprehensive responsibilities, PAs conduct physical exams, diagnose and treat illnesses, order and interpret tests, counsel on preventive health care, assist in surgery, and write prescriptions. Within the physician-PA relationship, physician assistants exercise autonomy in medical decision making and provide a broad range of diagnostic and therapeutic services. A PA's practice may also include education, research, and administrative services.
PAs are trained in intensive education programs accredited by the Accreditation Review Commission on Education for the Physician Assistant (ARC-PA) .
Because of the close working relationship the PAs have with physicians, PAs are educated in the medical model designed to complement physician training. Upon graduation, physician assistants take a national certification examination developed by the National Commission on Certification of PAs in conjunction with the National Board of Medical Examiners. To maintain their national certification, PAs must log 100 hours of continuing medical education every two years and sit for a recertification every six years. Graduation from an accredited physician assistant program and passage of the national certifying exam are required for state licensure.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Babes
the universe on a mission
two souls lost
and found
time stopped
a deep love-
soulmates
created for one another
love and cherish
from the beginning
until we meet again
on the other side
06/16/08
two souls lost
and found
time stopped
a deep love-
soulmates
created for one another
love and cherish
from the beginning
until we meet again
on the other side
06/16/08
Friday, June 13, 2008
My boy
Yesterday Javi and I went to mail some packages and then we strolled on up to the Ferndale Library to check out some Baby Einstein videos. He was hungry so we sat at one of the tables by the children's section and he gulped his bottle in no time flat! Then we resumed our search for videos...We found one Baby Einstein and one Baby Genius DVD. We left the library and I was hungry and Javier was sleeping so I strolled him over to Java Hut. I planned on eating outside since the weather was fabulous, but there was a man smoking at one table and a dog chained to the other table....So, I ate inside. Javi briefly woke up so I held him and rocked him back to sleep. I read the Between the Lines while I ate my turkey sandwich.
I was thinking how lucky I was to be able to do this with my son everyday. I really do enjoy spending time with him and showing him new things and new places.....I wonder how different our lives would be with a second child. Would I be able to do the things like I did yesterday??? I really don't think I will. Unless Javier is in day care a few times a week in order for me to spend that one on one time with the new baby.
I just wonder what life would be like with two babies...I don't think we can even understand what it would be like until we are there though. I can survey and ask other mothers, but I won't know until I get there I suppose.
We want more than one child. I love Javi so much and it seems difficult to even imagine sharing my love between him and another child. But I know that parents do it all the time. Perhaps I feel this way now because Javi is still so young.
I was thinking how lucky I was to be able to do this with my son everyday. I really do enjoy spending time with him and showing him new things and new places.....I wonder how different our lives would be with a second child. Would I be able to do the things like I did yesterday??? I really don't think I will. Unless Javier is in day care a few times a week in order for me to spend that one on one time with the new baby.
I just wonder what life would be like with two babies...I don't think we can even understand what it would be like until we are there though. I can survey and ask other mothers, but I won't know until I get there I suppose.
We want more than one child. I love Javi so much and it seems difficult to even imagine sharing my love between him and another child. But I know that parents do it all the time. Perhaps I feel this way now because Javi is still so young.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
The Marriage Debate
People wonder why we "gays" are fighting so hard for marriage to be legal for us....Here is a few reasons why....Read below...
By Liz Pulliam Weston
In another sense, they're severely penalized because all the Social Security taxes they contributed over the years essentially yield no additional benefit. They'd get the same payments if they'd never worked and paid into Social Security.
This is no small potatoes. Social Security taxes now eat up 6.2% of every worker's paycheck, up to an annual maximum of $6,324 on earnings of $102,000 in 2008, while employers contribute an equal amount.
As more women work and earn better salaries, the proportion claiming benefits based on a spouse's record may decline somewhat. But because men still earn more on average than women, this phenomenon certainly won't disappear. Given the precarious state of Social Security and political realities, this is one marriage penalty that's likely to persist.
The myth of the marriage penalty
Despite what you may have heard, when it comes to taxes and benefits, it generally pays to be married. But that's not true for all couples. Is it for you?
If you believe the myth about the marriage penalty -- the one that says you pay more taxes when you're married than if you'd stayed single -- you might be baffled by the whole gay marriage thing.
Why are gays and lesbians trying so hard to get hitched, you might ask, if marriage is so hard on the wallet?
The reality is that marriage has plenty of legal and financial benefits, including tax benefits. Even before Congress changed tax rules in 2001 to deal with the so-called marriage penalty, more married couples got a tax bonus from being married than paid a tax penalty:
- 51% of married couples paid less tax jointly than if they had not been married, according to a 1996 Congressional Budget Office analysis. The average amount these couples saved: $1,300.
- 42% of married taxpayers paid more by filing jointly than they would have if they'd remained single, the office said. The average penalty: $1,380.
The people who got tax breaks by marrying were those with disparate incomes, where one spouse earned more than the other. The wider the gap between the paychecks of the husband and wife, the bigger the bonus.
The people who tended to face a marriage penalty were those with similar incomes. Typically, the more they made, the bigger the penalty they paid.
Who's really penalized: The poor
The people who faced the most egregious penalties, as a portion of their income, were the working poor, according to tax expert Edward McCaffery, a law professor at the University of Southern California and the author of "Taxing Women." A husband and wife who each earned $10,000 could end up with a marriage penalty of more than $4,000.Those low-income couples still face the potential for a tax penalty, said Mark Luscombe, a principal analyst for tax research firm CCH. That's because the earned-income credit, a tax break designed to keep the working poor out of poverty, can be less for a two-earner household than for singles.
But Congress effectively eliminated the penalty for the majority of couples with its 2001 legislation, which has since been extended (but not made permanent; more on that in a minute). The standard deduction for married couples is now twice that for singles, and, for 2008, the 15% tax bracket has been widened for marrieds to $65,100, twice the limit for singles.
There's still a potential for an income-tax marriage penalty once joint incomes reach the 25% bracket, but the widening of the 15% tax bracket means that even those who pay a penalty will pay a less significant one than in the past.
The legislation eliminating the penalty for most couples is set to expire in 2010. Congress will be under plenty of pressure to make the change permanent, but that doesn't mean it will happen.
Still, even without income-tax breaks, there are plenty of financial benefits to marriage, regardless of their income-tax situation. Among them:
- Workplace health and pension benefits coverage. Though some companies offer health coverage to domestic partners, this benefit is typically taxable as income. When spouses are covered, the benefit is tax-free.
- Social Security retirement and survivor benefits. A husband or wife is entitled to one-half of the spouse's Social Security benefits and to additional benefits in the event of death.
- Lower insurance rates. Married people usually get a discount on auto insurance and may pay less for other types of insurance.
- Automatic inheritance rights. Die without a will, and your spouse gets your stuff. In many states, the surviving spouse has a legal right to at least one-third to one-half of your estate.
- Preferential estate-tax treatment. The richer you are, the better the deal this is. Essentially, estates worth more than a certain amount -- it's $2 million this year, and that will rise to $3.5 million in 2009 -- are subject to estate taxes. But this exemption amount doesn't apply to married people: You can leave an unlimited amount to a spouse without generating a penny of estate tax. In certain states, this benefit is multiplied by special capital-gains-tax treatment for homes and other assets held by married couples as community property.
A penalty still on the books
One marriage penalty that remains has to do with Social Security taxes and working spouses, particularly women.The Social Security Administration says 62% of the women over age 62 who receive benefits do so based on their husband's work records, rather than their own. A little more than half of these women didn't earn enough to qualify for payments based on their own work records. The rest opted to take half of their husbands' benefits because they were larger than the checks they could qualify for based on their own earnings.
In another sense, they're severely penalized because all the Social Security taxes they contributed over the years essentially yield no additional benefit. They'd get the same payments if they'd never worked and paid into Social Security.
This is no small potatoes. Social Security taxes now eat up 6.2% of every worker's paycheck, up to an annual maximum of $6,324 on earnings of $102,000 in 2008, while employers contribute an equal amount.
As more women work and earn better salaries, the proportion claiming benefits based on a spouse's record may decline somewhat. But because men still earn more on average than women, this phenomenon certainly won't disappear. Given the precarious state of Social Security and political realities, this is one marriage penalty that's likely to persist.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Gay Pride 2008
At first, I was a bit disappointed and sad. Although our beloved rock star chosen family member Steph attended Pride with us, we did not see many of our friends compared to last year. There seemed to be however, many more people at this year's pride than in any other year I have attended. It was nice though to take our son to this event. Many of my wife's following had a chance see our son and ogled him for a moment which was nice (and weird too!). I must say the people watching is fabulous! Wow do these events bring out the strange and unusual!
As my wife and I were about to leave her post, a former professor of mine was just walking by. She was one of my professors from PA school. I had a feeling she was a lesbian, but she never came out to me. She was a big supporter of mine during my dismissal. I met with her afterwards to see how I could improve my application for the next round and she explained to me how she told the committee how fantastic I was. That I was "well above where I should have been" and that I knew that material almost word for word (the physical exam) which was incredible. Anyways, this professor of mine had an accident some time last year where she had suffered some trauma to her head, leaving her with short term memory loss. I was afraid to contact her, fearing that she wouldn't remember who I was (given that I attended her class 2 years ago!). Anyways, back to Pride....She walked by and I stopped her and spoke with her. She did remember me!!! She also said that she and my former advisor went to bat for me! She said that they really pushed for me! I was truly honored! I told her that I will keep applying to the university until they are sick of seeing me!!! I also told her that I have applied to a few other schools and I am an alternate with those schools and that I may need to update my recommendations for the next round of applications. She said that she would be more than happy to write a recommendation for me!!! She told me to contact her this week and she'd check up on things...
I was so excited! I was floating all afternoon and the next day too! I emailed her yesterday and plan on calling later this week! I sure hope that I get back into this university and prove that I can do it! :)
Below are some pictures from Pride....
As my wife and I were about to leave her post, a former professor of mine was just walking by. She was one of my professors from PA school. I had a feeling she was a lesbian, but she never came out to me. She was a big supporter of mine during my dismissal. I met with her afterwards to see how I could improve my application for the next round and she explained to me how she told the committee how fantastic I was. That I was "well above where I should have been" and that I knew that material almost word for word (the physical exam) which was incredible. Anyways, this professor of mine had an accident some time last year where she had suffered some trauma to her head, leaving her with short term memory loss. I was afraid to contact her, fearing that she wouldn't remember who I was (given that I attended her class 2 years ago!). Anyways, back to Pride....She walked by and I stopped her and spoke with her. She did remember me!!! She also said that she and my former advisor went to bat for me! She said that they really pushed for me! I was truly honored! I told her that I will keep applying to the university until they are sick of seeing me!!! I also told her that I have applied to a few other schools and I am an alternate with those schools and that I may need to update my recommendations for the next round of applications. She said that she would be more than happy to write a recommendation for me!!! She told me to contact her this week and she'd check up on things...
I was so excited! I was floating all afternoon and the next day too! I emailed her yesterday and plan on calling later this week! I sure hope that I get back into this university and prove that I can do it! :)
Below are some pictures from Pride....
Friday, May 30, 2008
Ignorant People
Wow, I'm sitting here watching Ellen and she just played a You Tube clip of a woman (Oklahoma Rep. Sally Kern) that went on and on about how homosexuality is the "biggest threat our nation has, even more so than terrorism, or Islam, which I think is a big threat".
We've come so far, yet have so much further to go.....How is it that people can treat others so poorly? We are all human beings...We have feelings, desires, wants and needs.....
Anyways, here is the link to watch the clip from the Ellen Show that debuted today, May 30th, 2008.
We've come so far, yet have so much further to go.....How is it that people can treat others so poorly? We are all human beings...We have feelings, desires, wants and needs.....
Anyways, here is the link to watch the clip from the Ellen Show that debuted today, May 30th, 2008.
Friday, May 23, 2008
My Son
Every day I am amazed at the cute faces my son makes...or how much he's grown since he's come home from the hospital...He is just so handsome and I cannot stop staring at him!
He didn't really take a morning nap...He slept for about maybe 30 minutes. I picked him up and we spoke to one another for about an hour....He really tries to babble something back to me..In fact, he made this cute little high pitched noise and I just melted! I put him in his boppy and gave him tummy time for the first time!! He held his head high and looked around!! It was so amazing to see! Of course I had to snap some pics of that! I am the paparazzi as most say!
He had his lunch at about 11am and then fell asleep at about 11:30am. I quickly jumped into the shower and while rinsing my hair, the dogs started barking at something!!! Which of course woke up lil Javi....He was in and out of sleep for the next half hour....He was finally ready to wake up at about 12:45pm....Fixed a bottle and he passed out in his boppy after drinking only 1 ounce!!! Oh well, guess he was tired....
He didn't really take a morning nap...He slept for about maybe 30 minutes. I picked him up and we spoke to one another for about an hour....He really tries to babble something back to me..In fact, he made this cute little high pitched noise and I just melted! I put him in his boppy and gave him tummy time for the first time!! He held his head high and looked around!! It was so amazing to see! Of course I had to snap some pics of that! I am the paparazzi as most say!
He had his lunch at about 11am and then fell asleep at about 11:30am. I quickly jumped into the shower and while rinsing my hair, the dogs started barking at something!!! Which of course woke up lil Javi....He was in and out of sleep for the next half hour....He was finally ready to wake up at about 12:45pm....Fixed a bottle and he passed out in his boppy after drinking only 1 ounce!!! Oh well, guess he was tired....
Thursday, May 15, 2008
GAY MARRIAGE IS LEGAL!!!!
In California!!! How exciting! I am hoping that this will soon spread across our nation, but if not, then here we come Cali!! How great would it be for Micki and I to be legally married and have ALL of the same rights as heterosexual couples....For Micki to be able to adopt our son (since she cannot here in the state of Michigan), for us to have medical rights and to make medical decisions for each other.....to have estate rights.....Read below....
In striking down the ban, the court said, "In contrast to earlier times, our state now recognizes that an individual's capacity to establish a loving and long-term committed relationship with another person and responsibly to care for and raise children does not depend upon the individual's sexual orientation, and, more generally, that an individual's sexual orientation — like a person's race or gender — does not constitute a legitimate basis upon which to deny or withhold legal rights."
Here is the rest of the story if you want to read it:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080515/ap_on_re_us/gay_marriage
In striking down the ban, the court said, "In contrast to earlier times, our state now recognizes that an individual's capacity to establish a loving and long-term committed relationship with another person and responsibly to care for and raise children does not depend upon the individual's sexual orientation, and, more generally, that an individual's sexual orientation — like a person's race or gender — does not constitute a legitimate basis upon which to deny or withhold legal rights."
Here is the rest of the story if you want to read it:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080515/ap_on_re_us/gay_marriage
Monday, May 12, 2008
Our 1st Mother's Day
Our first mother's day was a great one! We spent the entire day at our friend's Stephanie and Suzie's house. They have a son who is 1 1/2 years old. The grandparents were over as well and we had a great brunch with waffles, fruit, eggs and a variety of toppings for the waffles...It was soooo good!
Javier did such a great job yesterday. He slept for a majority of the day, but everyone was able to hold him and/or feed him! I just hope this keeps up! For the most part, I think it will since he seems to have a really laid back personality! I'd like to hope I had part in that...I tried to be really laid back and calm during my pregnancy and hopefully it paid off! :)
Thanks to our chosen family for being there for us and including us in on such a special day! I enjoyed my time!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
AAARRRRGGGHHH THAT WOMAN!!!
Yesterday my wife decided to send my so-called mother a text message. She never received a response....until today...It came in the form of an email to me! I have never come across someone on such the defense before! This woman never takes responsibility for herself! She blames everyone else BUT her for situations. She's always so caught up in the "why are they trying to hurt me" (**when we clearly are not trying to hurt her**) drama that she misses out on important events! It's always excuse after excuse....
I chose to email her back. And I feel like I really told her what I was feeling. I told her that for many years, I have felt like she is NOT a mother. Like she is some distant cousin that I see once a year. I told her many other things as well, like how hurt I was that she wasn't there for me. She wasn't there for my pregnancy, nor was she there for the birth of my son.
This woman was not this way when I was a child. I'm not sure what went wrong. Did something snap in her when she was beaten by my brother's father??? (My brother has a different father---an abusive, disgusting man). I know this goes way back, but she is completely different now.
She will not meet Javier until she has changed for the better. And I let her know that.
I chose to email her back. And I feel like I really told her what I was feeling. I told her that for many years, I have felt like she is NOT a mother. Like she is some distant cousin that I see once a year. I told her many other things as well, like how hurt I was that she wasn't there for me. She wasn't there for my pregnancy, nor was she there for the birth of my son.
This woman was not this way when I was a child. I'm not sure what went wrong. Did something snap in her when she was beaten by my brother's father??? (My brother has a different father---an abusive, disgusting man). I know this goes way back, but she is completely different now.
She will not meet Javier until she has changed for the better. And I let her know that.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Aaahhh blogging....
Blogging really does help. I have received such beautiful comments about my recent situation with my mother. I really do enjoy reading your inspiring messages. Although it doesn't take the hurt away, it does make me feel loved and supported by so many. So thank you.
On another note....my son had a rough second half of the night....For some reason, he does NOT like his co-sleeper....I'm not sure if it is too big, too uncomfortable, too cold, or what the problem may be. He did sleep from about 9:30pm until 2:3oam, so that was nice...But he fussed in his bed from 3am until 5am (after his bottle), so Micki had to pick him up and he slept on her chest until 8am. I know he is only 3 weeks old and they say you can't spoil a child that young, but I'm afraid he'll get too used to sleeping on us and we'll have one hell of a problem to deal with down the line...But he's just so damn cute!
This afternoon, Javi slept in his co-sleeper for his morning nap!!! He slept for 3 hours!!! I was waiting and waiting and waiting for him to wake up! And when he finally did, I missed him so much! I couldn't wait to see those beautiful eyes! He's such a good boy! And I love him so much!
On another note....my son had a rough second half of the night....For some reason, he does NOT like his co-sleeper....I'm not sure if it is too big, too uncomfortable, too cold, or what the problem may be. He did sleep from about 9:30pm until 2:3oam, so that was nice...But he fussed in his bed from 3am until 5am (after his bottle), so Micki had to pick him up and he slept on her chest until 8am. I know he is only 3 weeks old and they say you can't spoil a child that young, but I'm afraid he'll get too used to sleeping on us and we'll have one hell of a problem to deal with down the line...But he's just so damn cute!
This afternoon, Javi slept in his co-sleeper for his morning nap!!! He slept for 3 hours!!! I was waiting and waiting and waiting for him to wake up! And when he finally did, I missed him so much! I couldn't wait to see those beautiful eyes! He's such a good boy! And I love him so much!
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
An Emotional Day....
Today (Saturday, May 3rd) was a difficult day. We didn't get much sleep last night. Javi was up every 2 hours to eat and didn't want to sleep in his co-sleeper which is next to the bed. We woke up about 8am and got everything ready to go to work with Mommy Micki since we were going to go to our niece's 1st birthday party afterwards.
Let's backtrack a bit....my mother hasn't been around in quite some time. I saw her only a handful of times during my pregnancy. She never called to see how I was doing, never got to share pregnancy stories, never there to bounce the feelings I was having off of her, never there to laugh about peeing my pants when I laughed or feeling Javi kick inside of me....And then the delivery happened and she never called....She never even picked up the telephone to say "congrats" to us! And 17 days later, still hasn't acknowledged her eldest daughter giving birth to her first born!!!!
Fast forward to this week....I told my sister that if my mother showed up at my niece's birthday party, that Micki and I would not stay. That woman does not deserve to meet our son! I thought it was VERY rude of my own mother not to call when Javier was born, let alone stop BY and see us! Anyways, as we pulled up to the party, lol and behold, there was her car. We pulled up into the driveway and Micki said she would just take the birthday gifts inside and we would leave. All of a sudden almost every person at the party came out to the car to see our son! It was amazing that everyone wanted to see our son! I thought I was doing a good job by just sitting there and keeping it together. Until I saw my sister.....I felt sad that I was going to miss her daughter's 1st birthday party. I was ashamed of myself for not setting my personal beliefs aside to attend my niece's party. But then again, I felt upset, angry, pissed off, and most of all very hurt that my own mother was there she hadn't acknowledged me, my son or Micki. I lost it when I saw my sister...I cried. She hugged me and told me not to let that woman get to me. But she does get to me. She does...My grandmother then came around and gave me a big hug and told me that I am very loved. I know that I am. I am loved by my wife, my son, my dad, my sister, my chosen family and my friends. But a love from a mother....that is different...
For a very long time, I have felt that my mother hasn't felt like a mother to me. She has felt like a distant relative...one that I don't associate much with...One that is like some distant cousin that I see once in a while and don't really speak much about anything. So why would I breakdown like I did??? Because she is still my mother. And it hurts.
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